wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
