He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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