If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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