Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
