Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
