Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
