When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
