i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
