There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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