Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
