ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
