Buhtt sex?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
