I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
