college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
