You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
