you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
