Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
