wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
