sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
