I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
