oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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