You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
