Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i wish my penis had a tongue
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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