Define "chronic" masturbator.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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