A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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