So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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