my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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