and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
