and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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