At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
