Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
