i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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