woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it's like heaven, but drunker
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
