Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
