...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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