So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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