What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
