i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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