a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
