The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
false alarm, still single
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
