Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
