So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
