OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
