if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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