in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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