I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
