Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
