no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
