I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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