Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
