i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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