I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
