Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
