My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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